I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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