youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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