Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
