Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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