I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
