His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
