A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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