FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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