i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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