I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
