he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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