I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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