We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
