i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
