Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
