I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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