What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
