Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
