I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
