In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's official drugs can't kill me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
