so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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