yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
