I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
smell my finger.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
