Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
