I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
