Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
