We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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