Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
