Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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