I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
