I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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