hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
