So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
