Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
