Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
