You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I pour the whiskey from now on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
