No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
