Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
