so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
