fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
