I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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