After last night, I could never be a politician.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
