i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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