im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
