my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
