I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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