Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
