Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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