Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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