He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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