I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
