Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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