I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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